OKAY. THIS ONE IS PRETTY GOOD. (EVEN THE COMMENT ABOUT LESBIANS MAKES ME SMILE.)

LIVERMORE, CA - In a move that caught almost everyone by surprise, stem cells have organized into a powerful special interest group. "We didn't think they could communicate, much less hold meetings," said a scientist at Lawrence Livermore Laboratory, still reeling from the shock. Researchers theorize that the stem cells, long suspected of having souls, have been holding get-togethers in the spiritual dimension. Among the demands, spelled out in a petri dish with unused segments of DNA, the stem cells insist on having their own annual parade "with floats and crap." "They're feisty," said Wolf Nichols, head of stem cell research. "Especially the lesbian stem cells. Can I say that?"