WHY IS IT THAT THE ANSWERS "A BOYFRIEND", "A LOVER", "A GAY MAN", AND "NATHAN LANE" CAME IN THAT SPECIFIC ORDER?

Are super-computers trying to convince me of something?
I'll never know...But you should check it out anyway...

AND THE GODS SAID, "YES, KELLEY. GOOD THINKING."

I love the fact that my friends can't STAND a certain girl by the name of Amanda...Not that I enjoy their constant bashing, but it at least gives me something to smile about...They're all writing her letters, in response to her letter, stating that they were all blatant "racists" and "losers", and that my friend Derek was (I never saw the letter itself, so I'm just making up more stuff to let it sound good...Plagerism rocks...) "an astoundingly charming species of baboon who would probably not know where to fling the poop that was coming out of his mouth on a constant basis..."
Or something like that...
(Isn't making up stuff much more fun than sticking to the guidelines of truth? Kelley thinks so...)

SHE NEVER VOWED TO DO IT AGAIN, AND YET, IT CONTINUES...

I don't know...I was thinking about Gene and Brad today, and I hate doing that...It makes me feel week, and yet, inextricably connected to something...
Agg...
I don't know about that either...The thought makes me shudder now, whereas a year ago, I couldn't stand days disconnected from his thought...
And now, I don't want to go anywhere near his thought...
Who gives a flying crap about thought anyway?

SCARY, THIS NEW BLOG IS...

Okay, just because no one knows what I find to be scary, don't laugh...
They re-vamped the Blogger stuff, so it's slightly confusing, not to mention really cool looking...
Oh well...
I'm at the office helping with the packing, etc...Their last day at the office...
Almost a tear-jerking moment...
But not really...

KELLEY'S SECOND STEP IN BECOMING A COMPLETE LOSER...

I'm gonna join a fan club!
Woo-hoo!
(And that would make me TheBlackMarauder...)

CLAY IS COOL...(NOT THE STUPID "IDOL", DUMB PEOPLE...)

But then again, I've always loved Wallace and Gromitt...

AND OFF SHE GOES TO CRY OVER A FICTIONAL CHARACTER...

Shut up, stupid journal...
He meant so much to me...
Damn that woman for doing this to my mental state of being!

DON'T WORRY- THEY CAN SHARE...

I'm-



And-



And-



The HP Male Marriage Quiz made by Sapphire.

WHY KELLEY SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO READ...

I spent over an hour last night, reading, re-reading, and crying over the last three chapters of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, therefore allowing me to regin supreme in my quest for the title of Universe's Biggest Loser...
Of course, by me crying and feeling more torn up than should be humanly allowed, I'm most certainly not implying that my favorite character in the series was viciously murdered...Of course not...That would be silly...
I'm so sad.
And now, I'm waiting for one of my moronically-slow-reading friends (Although I'm not implying that any of them are moronic or slow reading, just that I am the worlds biggest pain in the extremities now that my life is over as a result of the death of a fictional character...) to finish the novel so that I can adequately cry on someone's shoulder...
I want to die...
"And then I can be with..."

JUST A TIDBIT OF FACT...

2051...
Kiss my dust, Barry...

PROOF THAT KELLEY HAS A LIFE BESIDES STALKING THE DISGUSTINGLY GORGEOUS ANTONIO BANDERAS...

(Okay, so maybe it doesn't prove that I have a life, but at least it proves that I'm not stalking him 24-7!)

What do you do when you can't remember the words to the theme song for "Full House"?
Send out a horrible, mentally destructive email, of course!
I hope the world is chipper and bright, seeing as my words have had a lack of existence for the last few months...Not that they haven't been there, cynical, obsolete, and pushy as ever, but slightly hidden from the world's...I mean, my email list's view...
You missed me...Didn't you?!
Well, I didn't miss any of you, obviously, which is why I'm taking the minute-and-a-half it requires to forward a bit of cynical banter into your overly-populated inboxes and "you've-got-mail" thingies...
And yes, "thingies" is how I will refer to AOL, simply because I don't have it, and because idiots like Madonna probably do...Of course, that's all speculation, but let's just roll with Kelley's invalid ploys...
Okay? Yep, works for me, too...
Actually, I really did miss {talking/emailing/making fun of behind their backs/making fun of in front of their faces/just generally being a jerk} to everyone in the world, but especially the people I have email addresses for (Feel free to use whichever one or two instances display our personal relationship most accurately...And if they both have to do with you being made fun of by a certain ME, I implore you to continue reading this letter sometime after you reach the mature age of 39...But hey, do what you
like!)...I genuinely hope that your lives have become just slightly more enriched since I've been out of them, and that sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows follow you aimlessly across fields of brightly lit astroturf...Either that, or you're happy...Both work for me, and although number one is my DEFINITE favorite, the second works pretty well for the rest of the populace...
God, I missed doing this...
But you must all be rather bored at this point...So bored, in fact, you can feel your eyelids drooping slightly, and a strange, Yiddish-speaking man telling you to "get off your lazy butt and respond to the girl's darn email!" And hey, who am I to argue with the Yiddish-speaking man?
Save yourself! Respond, my children!
Or don't. That's cool, too...
Have a good evening, and may all your news be good news...And not Chevy Chase news...
Ugg...
-me

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT LIFE COULDN'T GET BETTER...

Fr. Derk is on vacation until mid-July...I would scream and jump for joy, but I'm so gosh darn sore! Anyway, I'm trying to save and conserve my energy so that I can kill random people (Or helicopter pilots...) online...
Sounds like fun!

WHO WANTS TO BE A BORED PERSON?!

I do!

BY THE WAY...

It's Friday, and I still have yet to see how the flaming corn dog reference will ever be relevent in my own life...I mean, ten points for wasting my time, but seriously--
Wow...I've never seen processed meat do that before...

WHO WANTS TO KILL THAT DAMN BIRD NOW?

Actor Gregory Peck dies at the age of 87...He will be missed...

I'M LAZY, AND I DON'T CARE, SO HERE'S LAST NIGHT'S ENTRY...

Why do I have random bluegrass/cajun Gene-ish songs popping into my head?
Only Josh Dodes would know the answer to that one...
Hmm...I'm really enjoying this whole "summer PE" thing...I'm feeling all sore and worked out, and I can't whine about feeling weak and pathetic now that I...Well...Don't.
I want to buy a ferret, suddenly. But that thought makes me angry...I'm staring at my Sirius, talking about buying a ferret, and you can just see the realization in his tiny little hamster eyes that he's being compared to another (Although temporarily imaginary) rodent...
Enough of that...I'll stay loyal until he curls over and goes to that little wheel in the sky...
Jeez...Why did I bother piercing my ear again? It seems relatively pointless in the giant, nonexistent scheme of things, and I wasted $20 completing my master-waste-of-scheme-planning-time...
I want to go see a movie...Not that I actually want to pay the movie industry seven dollars to waste three hours of my life on some crap like the "must-see movie of the summer", From Justin To "I Suck And So I Have To Steal A Good Name Like" Kelly...
But I'm not bitter...
Hurray for that happy, uplifting, positive conversation about my nonexistent personal life!
(Editor's Note: Conversation retracted because she "doesn't give a crap anyway...")
I was really angry last night about Derk and Kevin and James Barbour (For being so goddamn sexy...) and whoever else I wanted to be mad at, but I'm just kind of in this odd state of lightheadedness combined with aching, mental fatigue, and a craving for Philly Cheesesteak Hot Pockets...(Which I have in the freezer, but remain currently useless due to our lack of working microwave...)
But I'm not hungry...In fact, I think I'd be spewing steak all over the house if I tried eating...It's just this feeling of inconsistency...I miss my parents (Sort of...Not really, now that I get down to thinking about it...), I want to talk to someone, I'm feeling very "body conscious", and I want a bit of intimacy...Not totally on a physical level, but in a way, that's exactly what I want...I mean, I don't want to go have sex with someone. And I don't really want to "make out" (Especially with the descriptions that Paul just gave me of the "wrong ways" to do so...Why people want to stick tongues down each others throats, I will never know...). I just want to be held. Or kissed. Just to be somewhere and not feel worried about all the other {DERK} crap in my life, and not to really have to do anything for anyone else...
I need a Rochester moment...
I think I'm going to go relax, stretch out...Something...
I just need to stop thinking.

A GENUINE SIGN OF THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST...

By way of the must-see film of the summer...

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS: HE'S WHITE...

Yoyo I be havin some tight shiznit ta talk 'bout with chu'. Ok so be gettin dis shiznit I was all like yo what up to Laquanda yesa'day an' she be all up in ma grill 'bout me bein her baby's daddy or some shiznit like dat an' I was all like awwww hell naw gurl you bes' be up out ma face 'fore I bus' a cap in yo stank ass, you nasy ol' biznite!! Yeah I say you a biznite wha' chu goin' do, huh?? Oh but den' she be like aight aight my bad dat be my bad, yo Missa Downavan. So I be like aight yo it be koo', it koo'. So yeah dat was what be happenin yesa'day. Den' taday Shanana be like yo Missa Downavan why you ain't be talkin be no mo', yo punk ass too good fo' me now??An' I jus' say ta Shanana UP OUT MA FACE,UP OUT MY FACE!! Anyway I 'bout ta blow a ho' up in 'dis hizzy fo' rizzel~
Hey biznite, by the way I think I be your baby's daddy!!! My bad, oh oh dat my bad.
~Missa Downavan
(Aww...I love my little Derek...)

I think I'm on the verge of mental disexistance...Seriously, I wanted to shoot myself in the head, and take two other people out at the same time...
Not the best train of thought to experience while you're preparing meals at your CATHOLIC CHURCH to take to a HOMELESS COALITION...
You know? There should be the happy bunnies running through dimly lit patches of grass, not rounds of lead being pumped into my future youth minister and current associate pastor...
Oh, crap. Did I say that out loud?
Honestly, though...All Kevin could say to me tonight was, "Kel, you know you saved my life tonight, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
It obviously wasn't the happy bunny-est of any of the conversations we've had...In fact, I think he realizes how upset I was...Let's put it into perspective:
I thought that I was coming to help out tonight.
I was told that everything was set up, that Kevin knew what he was doing, and that I would have an easy ride.
"Not so," said the chorus of ferrets floating above my vision as I burned my arm on a searing tray of hot dogs...
And yet, everything turned out as it should have...No one was viciously murdered, I saw Charlene (My favorite transvestite besides Eddie Izzard...), and we really DID make a difference in people's lives...But it was a neat, four hours of hell for me, and Kevin "laying on the bacon fat" just angered me to an even greater degree than when the descant ferret attempted his solo...
Egad...Enough with the ferret talk...I'm not feeling well...
I need a hand massage...
And a ferret...

I am a giant mutant kitten. Not strange at all.


Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well...That was odd...

It's time for the Queen Of Random to rest...
Or pretend to, at least...
But first, to find the Queen's Softball Glove Of Death...
Ahh...

(I just think this deserves to be posted for the sheer fact that Nathan Lane's name is included on it...)
fearlessgurl3: babe...i really don't know...i mean, i probably do know, deep down, but love seems so non-existant to me right now, and i
fearlessgurl3: *i'm so tired and angry and distraught, and nathan lane is gay...it's not my emotional peak, by any means...
fearlessgurl3: god, i am the queen of random sometimes...

THREE SCENARIOS FOR HOW MY LIFE WILL MOST SURELY END AT THE HANDS OF FR. DERK...
(As depicted in "Kelley Rant Format" through the use of an online instant communication program and Melly...)

Scenario 1: He'll put the blame on me. He'll go defensive- retaliate. So, when I ask for recomendations this summer, or just go to our pastor for anything, Fr. Walsh is going to say, "Well, had a little chat with Derk, and maybe you need to 'mature' a little before I can give you my trust..." He'll abominate my name among the parish, and I'll have no choice but to leave...
Scenario 2: He'll uphold our agreement for about a month, and then go back to the teasing, the tormenting, and so on, bringing me back to the drawing board...
Scenario 3: He actually listens to me, realizing that I'm not just some dumbass teenager that he can tease to no extent, realizing that I have mental capabilities beyond his, and an emotional range just as dependant on that intellect. He'll start taking me for who I am, we'll continue a bit of the teasing, but nowhere close to the degree it had come to, and I'll remain a fervent part of my church...
The fat irony- I'm so beyond caring...
All Souls and I are already picking out curtains. THAT'S how beyond caring I am...
Curtains with tulips...Orange tulips...

I just found Brian (The tall, Star Trek oriented giant who used to be my best friend, lives in my hometown, just graduated from high school, and now works as a Photo Processor...) and his magnificent blog, so now, I have something to do with the other 26 hours in my day...

SHOULD I?

I'm thinking of doing the big DB thing and copying how I post my entries...You know, the bold title, the little catch phrase diction...
Or, even jumping to third-person "This Blog" style...
Hmm...

A SIGN THAT PERHAPS, HORROSCOPES ARE BEGINNING TO BECOME RELEVANT ONCE AGAIN...

From Thursday forward, your name will be mentioned every time flaming corn dogs rain down from the sky.

I'm a little tired myself...I think I'll spend my free time wallowing away in Internet Games that I don't understand, and maybe even a little nap...
A big nap could work, too...

I have a certain fixation for restoring the needy and outstrung to a level of security and comfort.
I might need some help with this one...

-Anthony is hinting that he has at least a background role in the next Spider-man film...Which could prove interesting, since he's claiming to be "running down Madison Avenue from a terrible villian called Dr. Octupus lately..." and "simultaniously dragging a girl across the street, running with terror, standing on a third story balcony, jumping over the hood of a car, and driving through the scene..."
That's what I call "Artisic Integrity".

No one seems to have any recollection of Amour's disappearance from last night's awards ceremony, but I won't be so easily swayed by those media vultures...
I will find a way to avenge Malcom's deadly gorgeousness...

Ooh! Amour didn't perform last night! What's up with that, my theatre G's?
I'm going to go check The New York Times to see if this travesty can be explained...
(After all, Malcom Gets is absolutely gorgeous...)

Easily, the greatest Tony acceptance speech EVER:
"Boy, am I glad this was not a beauty contest...I told you, Antonio, if you're going to come to America, you have to dress like an American- In a dress!...I adore each and every one of you, I want to have your children, and I promise to raise them well!"
-Harvey Fierstein, after recieving the 57th Annual Tony Award for Best Actor for his role as the mother, Edna Turnblad, in Hairspray...
It's stuff like that that makes me proud to be a Geek.
I mean, "Theatre Enthusiast".

Meeting adjourned...Good stuff happened, bad stuff conquered, etc...
Chris, stop shaking my chair, you God-awful, horrible human being...

Oh my Lord...How disgruntled was that maniac? Never again will I lease my computer to someone with an ego comparable to that of Ayn Rand...(Author of Anthem, for all you nitwitted losers who weren't forced to spend a semmester with Bobbie Butch...)
Actually, Chris' imaginary belief in my love for him is rather cute...
Eww...
Did I just use the word, "Cute"?

tee hee, you know what it is like when you just get in one of those moods, where you feel, well...... CRAZY! You can't help yourself and you just go wild... well..... I have declare my LOVE for justin timberlake!!!!! I CANNOT HOLD THE TRUTH ANY LONGER!!!!!!!!!!


Yes...... I must also finally admit I do actually love christoper: my dearest brother

Ooh, I forgot to mention that I picked up a copy of Thomas Merton's No Man Is An Island...
(I figured it would make for some light reading...You know, deep early-church theological teachings for a nice, relaxing summer vacation...Either that, or I'm trying to impress people...)
*Editor's Note: Ironically, she's not sure which...

Hmm...I'm still feeling Matrix-y from last night...Good Lord, it was an awesome movie...
And what to say about the myriads of Agent Smiths?
Kelley like Agent Smith...
Enough of that. I'm heading down to Lakeland this morning with Mary so that we can do some "planning" for the retreat we're helping with in July...Personally, I'm excited...Really excited, in fact...I think I'll have an amazing time, and I think I'm learning to find that this kind of work, this planning, working, coordinating, leading stuff is really what I love doing the most...
I like being bossy...What can I say?
But, in complete and therefore total seriousness, I really do love it...Luckily for me, I get double doses...I'm helping with the thing this morning, and then, I'm going to help Kevin with the meeting tonight...For anyone else, it might seem like Youth Ministry Overload, but this is what I've grown up doing. This is what I love to do...It's fun!
(Okay, maybe not total, utter, jubulent fun, but fun all the same...Well, not all the same...That's not my point...)
Oh well...

The stupid Barnes and Noble site has decided that it's more fun to make Kelley wait for hours on end for one page to end...Stupid $7.16 worth of Barnes and Noble money I have to spend...
What in the world costs only $7.16?
I don't know...
*Tomorrow night is our Pre-Pre-Planning Meeting...So, HOPEFULLY, we'll actually be able to get something done...*
Heh...

Alright...I'm going to devulge my self in a double marathon of Kevin Kline-ness...
Gorgeous...
AHH! Rene' is online!
To speak, or not to speak, that is the question...
I don't have to courage to do so, I know that...But his oh-so-sexy-bass-ness makes me feel as if I have to...
Ehh...Too stalker...Even for Kelley...
Hello, Kevin...

I hate it when things screw up...Nothing seems to be working correctly this morning...Not fun...
I just wish I was computer literate...
Because then, I could do dramatic things to my words, making them all slanty, and bold!
But alas...

I've got a meeting scheduled with Kevin (and hopefully Lori...) on Friday...
I guess I am going to be the Part-time Youth Minister...
Alright.

"This is the photo section, where we have the photos. There will be more photos later, but we haven't put those photos up yet, so these are the photos we have now, prior to us having more photos, which, as I said, we will have later. Photos."
-Thank you for the explanation, Mr. Carlin...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. JEROME PRADON...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
Yea! My Foreign Theatre God is 32!
It's a good day all around...Tee hee!

I think the internet holds a wonderful capacity for new ideas, innovations within existing fields, and advancements in every scope imaginable...
Now, even dorks have their own voice...
Cowbells, unite!

I'm going to bed...
Memo to self: Email Anthony this week...
Heh...Like I'll remember that...

I'm genuinely crammed with things that I'd like to say about the happy, non-sarcastic things playing currently on the two IMAX screens within my mind...
But I can't...
My last genuinely logical thought took place when I finished our presentation last night (DerkJerk in tow...), and broke into tears over the amount of disrespect and hatred that he must shelter for me, seeing as though the only words that leave his lips in regards to myself are insults and jeers...
I couldn't hold up. I burst open, raw and completely, irreverently "not Kelley", and it didn't phase him...
The second logical thought was when Celeste revelated a homily he'd given about "killing the messenger" (In regards to himself being God's messenger)...
On a slightly happier note (Although, thoughts of that man being wiped out, although sacreligious to an insane degree, make me pretty happy...), I own stock in the Lincon Logs corporation...
(At least, Paul thinks so...)

"It's Pirates Of The Ca-rib-ee-an, you God-forsaken morons!"

Life is relatively ironic when you realize that the only place you can go to adequately mourn and pay tribute to the late, great Phil Hartman, is the "much needed introduction" to the Magic Kingdom's Enchanted Tiki (Tiki-tiki-tiki-tiki...) Room...
As Morris the Bird...
Irony sucks.

What an amazing weekend...I have such a myriad of wealthy knowledge that I'm excited to be involved in and to be working on...
I'm ready to be the Preist, Prophet, and King that I've been called to be...
We're starting the Leadership team up again (Whether Derk is going to be a pompus ass about it or not...), and I've become so ready to put out ideas and all sorts of different ways we can implement this new wisdom...
Kevin spent the whole weekend as if he was trying to get me interested in a full time position...It was a really odd feeling, and I'm still not sure where I stand on my "difficult decision"...
(I am staying, as well as helping with All Souls, however...)
(As if I had a choice...)
I'll write a little more later on...We have to go home for the first time in three days...