THUS FAR.

Ugh. Really nice conversation with Casey today. I'm glad that I've got a relationship with him that can just pick up immediately where one conversation leaves off. I need the carefree sibling thing that we share. I'd be pathetic without it, I think.
Ten days have provided me with more literary fodder than I daresay I ever could have wished for. I could say that I feel stable and tranquil and perfectly content in the life I am leading, but I would be lying. I'm not. I don't. And I never will be.
That's certainly not to say that I'm not enjoying what's happening. My present company is amazing- a person I cannot allow myself to look towards without admiration, compassion, and highly-deserved respect. Nor am I worried about what that relationship will provide in the future.
But that is not the sole facet of my life in the present, nor can it be my sole fixation mentally. I cannot let it be, and therefore, it will not be.
Indulgences, although severely draining on my patience, will prove to be something I am proud to be a part of, I think. Although I'm not a fan of the script itself, I feel I have some opportunity to expand myself as a performer, and maybe even create a name for myself.
If that's even what I want.
I look at the human being who sits here, typing without general fervor or protruding desire for achievement, and wonder where and how she will hold sway over her universe. What is it that she can provide that no one else has the capacity for? Is she destined for greatness? Or merely anonymity? And does any of it really matter to her? For, in total honesty, the girl sitting in front of me could simply do what was set out before her, never asking questions of any particular importance or significance. She could do any of a million things without trying, without yearning or passion, and maybe it wouldn't even phase her. Which is probably the most frightening part of the whole scenario.
I'm entirely exhausted, to the degree where even thinking has become strenuous.
I get no kick from mental strain.