101 THINGS THAT CLASSIFY AND DECIPHER KELLEY.

By Kelley.
Of course.

1. My name is Kelley, which makes sense to me: in Gaelic, it translates to "female warrior."
2. I am sardonic. Really, really sardonic. Dumbass.
3. I have a blatant obsession with showtunes and the people that perform them.
4. I hate the way I write, but strictly grammatically speaking. I actually like my handwriting.
5. I have a desperate fear of biscuit cans that are peeled open and then explode in front of you.
6. I feel like I'm twelve. Constantly.
7. I actually enjoy school, just not all of the people that happen to be enrolled.
8. I have a birthmark on my left arm that looks like...nothing.
9. I am Catholic, and probably always will be.
10. I've attempted four times to remove every item in my room and subsequently donate each and every one to charity.
11. None of these attempts succeeded.
12. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte is my favorite novel, and has been for the last eight years.
13. A Man For All Seasons is my favorite play, but for unknown reasons.
14. I love pre-20th Century works far greater than any other literature.
15. I am anal-retentive and largely compulsive when it comes to grammar. Period.
16. The last time I cried was during the intermission of a performance of The Phantom Of The Opera.
17. I was an Honor Junior Thespian, but never received my certificate. I haven't gotten over that.
18. I can't stand Tofu.
19. I could easily live off of Ginger Ale and crunchy peanut butter.
20. I've never been "in love" before.
21. I started writing in all capital letters on August 14th, 1998. I still don't know why.
22. I can type 40 words per minute.
23. Four-Square is the greatest game known to mankind.
24. I have played Dance Dance Revolution only once in my life.
25. Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" is the single greatest song ever recorded, closely rivaled by Cat Stevens' "Peace Train."
26. Bernadette Peters is my least favorite person to ever perform on a Broadway stage.
27. Gene Kelly is one of my idols. I would kill to dance like him.
28. My CD collection includes close to 300 different artists. And I enjoy them all.
29. I have met Richard Karn, host of Family Feud!, among other prime celebrities.
30. Not having anything to cover my lap makes me uncomfortable to a great degree.
31. Dr. Pepper tastes nothing like Mr. Pibb.
32. I have survived cancer.
33. I don't know what my natural hair color is. Was.
34. I love driving in the rain.
35. If I ever have children, I will be the worst parent ever.
36. I'm best described as a liberal, but lump myself into the Democrat category.
37. I'm fascinated by Judas Iscariot, and find his betrayal a twisted study into human interaction with spiritual guidance.
38. I'd like to be on an episode of Sesame Street one day, just for kicks.
39. Before I die, I demand to learn how to juggle five balls.
40. My favorite color is green, closely followed by orange.
41. I've never felt as if I had a home, but more as if I was just bunking for extended periods of time.
42. I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.
43. My favorite quote ever is from Arthur Miller's Death Of A Salesman: "Attention must be paid."
44. Don Jones will forever be my hero.
45. Ever since Donald Rumsfeld revealed his secrets for staying fit, I've worn a pedometer.
46. Well, at least "carried in my bag" a pedometer. Specifics.
47. The story of Giovanni the Juggler scared me in kindergarten, and haunts me to this day.
48. If I ever started a cult, I don't know what we'd follow, but we'd be called "The Brotherhood Of Unconstrained Verbosity."
49. I've always dreamed that I'd marry either an Italian, or Edward Rochester. I can't explain the first, but the second is rather obvious.
50. I've kept journals of some sort since the age of five.
51. My favorite article of clothing is a shirt that I bought at an Unsung Zeros concert. (I don't know anything about the band.)
52. People either take me far too seriously or not seriously at all.
53. My face appears to be a perpetual frown, but I'm rarely trying to look upset or angry. I just have no muscle control.
54. My favorite album is Cat Stevens' Teaser and the Firecat.
55. The greatest memory I have is of performing in front of 25,000 people as Dorothy Day.
56. I love the Laundromat. I just do.
57. I've never been kissed, and I'm okay with that.
58. If I could speak and write in only Olde English, I wouldst.
59. I could watch the Gene Wilder version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory every day of my life and never grow bored of his performance.
60. I've never had an infatuation over someone of my own age.
61. I had a quarter-life crisis at 16.
62. Supposedly, I'm rumored to have a great stand-up comedy routine built up over the years of familial material.
63. I'm still not sure I know what a Louie Vatton bag is.
64. I once stayed awake for two days and seventeen hours in order to finish a project for my 4th grade gifted class. It was on architecture.
65. I got an A, and slept for two days.
66. I can't speak in French on a conversational level, but I can write it out like no one's business.
67. At age 7, I stole a Pound Puppy from Big Lots.
68. I collect odd, funky, differently-shaped, colored, freakish, and eccentric ties.
69. I spent a full day in solitude and mourning the day after the 5th Harry Potter book was released and I had finished reading it.
70. I don't understand death.
71. Logic is the only word in my Lexicon.
72. My favorite letter in the alphabet is "E."
73. Some people say that I'm quiet; others claim that I'm loud. But...
74. ...I'm actually a solid introvert with extrovertial qualities.
75. I like making up words, but only when they make definite sense.
76. I often feel like I tell more lies than I do truths.
77. My favorite city in the United States is Washington DC.
78. I've never been outside the United States.
79. I've always wanted to be the Pope.
80. As far as I'm concerned, if I can't write it in less than an hour, it will be crap.
81. I don't enjoy the color pink. It makes me uneasy.
82. If I could have one cartoon character exist in real life, it would be "The Cheat" from HomestarRunner.com or "Rosie" from The Jetsons.
83. The one night of television worth viewing is the Tony Award Ceremony, but just to see who wins. The ceremony itself is either hokey (Hugh Jackman) or just plain stupid (Hugh Jackman). But I still love it.
84. When I was five, I named my cat Alaneta after the dog, Perdita, from "101 Dalmations."
85. I've never broken a bone in my body.
86. However, I am missing 2 1/2 ribs. Ooh.
87. The one role I'd kill to play is Tommy's mother in The Who's Tommy.
88. I have a wicked laugh. Sort of.
89. Black beans and yellow rice make up my favorite meal.
90. I attempted suicide once when I was 15. Needless to say, it didn't work.
91. "Zazzle" is quite possibly my favorite word.
92. My favorite musical is...I could never decide something like that.
93. When I was younger, I dreamed of being either a dancer or a secret agent. Either way.
94. I have a chronic habit of biting my nails.
95. "3" has been my lucky number for the longest of times.
96. When I met two of my closest friends, I hated them.
97. I've always wanted to live in Europe, preferably England.
98. I want to go back in time to see three odd pieces of history: The dawn of existence, Abraham Lincoln's assassination, and the collapse of the Berlin wall.
99. I am cowardly, shy, and undeniably trepidatious.
100. I would love to be a director someday.
101. I am not perfect; but sometimes, I come very, very close.