"WE'RE INDEPENDENT!" OR SO SAYS MY CALENDAR.

I don't believe much of it.
I haven't been able to take more than a few meager steps without blaring patriot music and whoop-did-dee-doo-dah patriot pride.
It's sickening.
The fact that we exist in a nation that allows monkeys to rule the White House, a quintuple bypass surgery candidate to pull the nation's strings, and an electoral college to determine what the country really wants, just makes me want to shoot off mini-rockets in my own backyard.
Fireworks, if you will.
But, here's the twist: Directly into the monkey's head.
Happy Birthday, America!
I love you, Alexander Hamilton!
And Thomas Jefferson, that hottie!